Floating, languid, the other day I cupped my hands and watched as the water dripped between them. My spindling craftwoman’s fingers don’t make for much of a tight seal. But as I watched it glisten, I’ve been thinking of the waters a lot.
Lilith stands silently lately, looming, too enormous to see and yet fully still. She gazes down upon me, as another phase of struggle in my life overtakes me, her child distracted by the tempest in a teacup.
Stubborn, haunted little one.
One hand raised to the cosmos, the other reaching down to the earth, fingers, branches, buds, and finally, the tiniest spark that lives in her children.
She pulls me to the water ceaselessly these days. People think of water as purity, as salvation, as cleanliness.
But the water is also blood. The blood of all that has ever walked, crawled, or swum, and the basin that will overflow with the blood of Lilith when all things come, finally, to pass, and return to her bosom.
The ocean is feared more than she is loved. Even rivers rip the arrogant limb for limb.
The water is not the sterility of a watch polished with isopropyl alcohol.
She is the blood of the abortion as the body purges itself, brutality in its release.
She will corrode and consume whatever is left inside her. A bottomless, insatiable well of cleansing through dissolution.
I’ve always loved her. Even as the rage roars across the bridge, and my friends beg me to stand back. But there is work here to be done, blood to be purged, brutal healing to be claimed, and chains to be broken. I run towards her cloak of spray, and she embraces me.
I can be a poor student at times. Obstinate, tempestuous, lazy. But I am learning to listen, and to know when it is time to work.
Lilith rises from the waves, silent, looming, still, waiting, and smiles upon me.
I think Lilith likes obstinate stubborn willfull souls, those of us who prefer to learn things the hard way. For our own knowledge. Those of us who cut our own path.
It’s time for it to start, couple days.
Since this is about water… i’ve recently started visualising during meditation. I was brought by Lilith (probably annoyed by my abuse of her enn in downtime riding lifts while snowboarding :)), and assigned a guide. The first thing upon entering her house was… it’s all water. Warm, but deep. We went down and met her (i swear to god she was an octopus). I introduced myself, and she told me her name was claire. But that wasnt actually her name. Just the closest approximation my dumb brain could comprehend. During meditation 10 or so hours later, it dawned on me she was a Lilim. I looked up names – but nada (odd that there’s so little research on this – or maybe, being new, i dont really know where to look). Closest was kalee. Threw in an R since claiRe and got Kaleer. She told me i was close. Researched baby names… got kalera… didnt quite fit the meaning (small woman). Nevertheless, im assured im getting closer. And then i stumbled on Callirrhoe.
And this is where literally all the pieces fell into place: Meaning: Beautiful flow. And then i found out she was the daughter of Oceanus and Tethys in Greek mythology and considered an oceanid/naiad (a sea nymph/river nymph – i guess the sources aren’t in agreement here). Pretty neat, right? I should stress, im… 8 weeks since making an altar, and 6 weeks since starting meditation.
I guess if there’s a question and not a statement… is there a relationship between nymphs and Lilim that predates both Judaism and Greek mythology? (please be gentle, i really am very early on the path). Callirrhoe is clearly in Lilith’s domain (well, not clearly, i could have just invented this whole thing), but assuming this to be moderately sincere (and my having no expectations or knowledge of Callirrhoe during the actual event – which i assure you i did not – and also assuming it isnt just a massive rabbit whole coincidence, which i obviously cant disprove), it’s kind of interesting enough to post? If it isnt though, please feel free to delete it. My UPGs are objectively nutzo. 🙂
I’ve just learned about Qalilitu. Um… i dunno… suddenly this all feels like its not in my head. Well, lots of it is (objectively, all of it is). But, that’s some very clear associations i could never have come up with on my own (and up until one hour ago had no idea existed). https://vkjehannum.wordpress.com/2017/08/03/qalilitu/
Can i also say this: I follow your posts on reddit because you speak in the exact same way she does when she speaks to me. Absolutely no nonsense. No deception. “Fix yourself”. 🙂 If you ever feel she’s not with you… i dunno…